Why does being around people take so much out of me?
Social anxiety isn't shyness, and it isn't a personality trait. It's a nervous system that's learned to treat social evaluation itself as dangerous, scanning every conversation, expression, and silence for signs of judgement, the same way it might scan for physical danger.
The threat was never really the room or the people in it. It's the fear of being seen and found wanting.
You may have noticed the anxiety often peaks in advance of social situations, replaying conversations, rehearsing what to say, imagining how it could go wrong. Afterwards, the replaying often continues the other way: picking apart what you said, convinced you came across badly, even when nobody else noticed a thing. Avoiding the situation itself brings relief, but each avoided event confirms to your nervous system that it really was too dangerous to risk, which is exactly why avoidance tends to increase over time.
We don't start by focusing on being more 'sociable'. We get curious about what being seen has come to mean to you, and help your nervous system recognise that social evaluation isn't actually the threat it's been treating it as. As that shifts, being around people tends to take far less out of you.
What happens over our four sessions?
I work within a structured programme of four sessions (usually weekly, where possible) because meaningful change rarely happens in a single appointment. Each session builds on the last, giving your mind and body time to settle, learn and change.
Your first session starts with a conversation. We'll take time to understand what's been happening, what you'd like to be different, and answer any questions you have about the process. I'll then guide you into hypnosis, a calm, inward-focused state, rather like daydreaming, but with a purpose. You remain aware and in control throughout. Many people tell me it's one of the most relaxing experiences they've had in a long time.
Each session is tailored to you and builds on your progress, combining conversation, hypnosis and practical tools where appropriate. You'll also receive personalised audio recordings to listen to between sessions, helping to reinforce the work we're doing together.
What people often notice
People often come hoping to feel less anxious in specific situations. What tends to follow reaches further: less rehearsing and reviewing, more presence in conversations rather than watching yourself from the outside, and embracing relationships and opportunities you once avoided.
Is this the right approach for you?
Social anxiety exists on a spectrum, from nerves in specific situations to anxiety that shapes most of daily life. If it sits alongside broader depression or is significantly limiting your life, it's worth mentioning at your consultation so we can make sure this is the right starting point.
Your free consultation is an opportunity for us to understand what's been happening, answer your questions and decide together whether this feels like the right fit for you. If I believe another approach or additional support would serve you better, I'll always tell you.
Ready to feel more like yourself around people?
Start with a free, friendly chatMelissa is an HPD Level 4 Clinical Hypnotherapist, registered with the NCH, BSCH and CNHC, working with adults, children and teens in Harpenden, Hertfordshire, and online.